Timing

Monday night found me perfecting my recipe for lentil granola.  Knowing that my Jappa trip is officially on hold for the moment was weighing heavily on me.  I’ve spent so much time carefully mapping out the way in which the trip and the move was to unfold – fuck, I even started selling off the contents of my space.  The knowledge and acceptance that this trip is going to be delayed for a while found me feeling empty and hollow.  Maybe it's my upcoming birthday, or this solo life I'm living, I'm not sure.  But I was blue.  Blue as blue gets for me.  So, I did what any reasonable Granola chick would do – I made granola.    

I’ve been wrestling with this lentil granola idea for a few weeks.  I love granola.  Like I seriously love it and can eat cups and cups of it.  Most often, the calorie content is insane, and the nutrition macros never warrant an all-out binge.  It’s so damn good though, and I have trouble putting it down.  And, when I’m feeling sad, I want to stuff my face.  Of course.  Who doesn’t?

The parallels between seeking a granola recipe that fit what I need and the path that I seek isn’t lost on me.  I see the connection, but when I started my search for a lentil recipe that fit my required 2:1 carb to protein ration, this interrelatedness was completely lost.  The time I’ve logged looking for this recipe is akin to the time I spend in the gym.  Ok, I jest.  But not really.
A few weeks ago, I found a recipe that was halfway reasonable, but I didn’t like the added agave or the addition of coconut.  Last week, I found a recipe that looked okay but had some weird ingredients that weren’t in my kitchen.  It seemed like my quest to find the perfect lentil granola recipe was going to be for naught. 

Until.

Until I realized that I didn’t need a recipe that someone else created to make my granola.  I have a good enough basis in nutrition knowledge to know how to craft the recipe, and I know what I like, and I know what I don’t.  Fuck someone else's recipe.  I decided to make my own.  

(just like life, yeah?)

My lentil granola has PB2, whey protein, chia seeds, flax meal, cayenne pepper and a few other bits of awesomeness.  Crafting it, I listened to Dar Williams sing about the moon and wallowed in feeling sorry for myself, pissed at the world and generally maligned. Adding all of the dry ingredients to the bowl while my lentils bubbled was a bit of an exercise in faith.  Sure, PB2 is delish, and flax is probably the greatest thing ever, but would these ingredients all taste good together?  It's just like assembling a life plan.  I'm not sure sometimes if the pieces I'm fitting together are going to make sense in the long run, but just like with my granola - I know what I like and what I don't.  Recipes in cookbooks are great for folks who need every last step spelled out for them.  And that's great if it works.  My recipe for granola, like my life, didn't come off of a page.  I needed to take stock of my pantry, figure my macros, shed the worry that it wouldn't work and trust myself.  

The granola turned out to be absolutely amazing - sweet and spicy and full of good nutrition.  I hope my next life steps are just the same.