Well here we are. It's the last day of the year.
I simultaneously have no idea what happened over the last year and I have a very clear recollection of every single day. It's been a big one in my world!
I graduated my Master's. Published a book. Travelled a bit. Refrained from any major new ink. Was nominated for a Pushcart. Fostered and developed my relationships and connections with family and friends.
31.12.15
30.12.15
Counting Down
Wednesday's Word
Accomplishment
There are 365 days in a year. Well, this year anyway. With this post, I've written 359 entries in my blog. Tomorrow will be my final, meaning I've only missed FIVE DAYS! Five whole days for an entire year is not only fantastic and pretty boss, but it's also a testament to commitment.
Good old Merriam-Webster defines accomplishment as, "something that has been achieved successfully, or an activity that a person can do well, typically as a result of study or practice." I'd say that both apply to this blog and the challenge for a year.
Yes, it's true. I didn't make a post-a-day. But when I landed on this idea last winter, I knew that there would be days when I couldn't write for whatever reason. I largely tried to plan for those days and make sure that I had something waiting to post, but there were a few days where I just didn't feel like it. I don't know if that's a measure of success or not. It is contrary to the challenge, sure. But it's also a nod to the hyper-awareness that blogging for a year has created with my writing.
When I began my Master's program, writing was something I used as an outlet. I knew I had a voice somewhere inside, and I knew that I could arrange words in a pretty and pleasing way. Much the same, when I seriously started lifting, I knew I had a strength inside of me that could be brought to the surface with the right tenacity, approach and practice. I realize now that this blog has been as much an exercise in committing and seeing a goal to the end as it has been in learning to engage my creative voice with an ability to articulate and express ideas.
I think it only apt to end Wednesday's Word with "accomplishment." This is a challenge that has proven difficult, wonderful and engaging all year long. I'm pleased with my work, and I hope that it's offered my readers some sort of pause, a moment of introspection, mind-food for thought.
Accomplishment
There are 365 days in a year. Well, this year anyway. With this post, I've written 359 entries in my blog. Tomorrow will be my final, meaning I've only missed FIVE DAYS! Five whole days for an entire year is not only fantastic and pretty boss, but it's also a testament to commitment.
Good old Merriam-Webster defines accomplishment as, "something that has been achieved successfully, or an activity that a person can do well, typically as a result of study or practice." I'd say that both apply to this blog and the challenge for a year.
Yes, it's true. I didn't make a post-a-day. But when I landed on this idea last winter, I knew that there would be days when I couldn't write for whatever reason. I largely tried to plan for those days and make sure that I had something waiting to post, but there were a few days where I just didn't feel like it. I don't know if that's a measure of success or not. It is contrary to the challenge, sure. But it's also a nod to the hyper-awareness that blogging for a year has created with my writing.
When I began my Master's program, writing was something I used as an outlet. I knew I had a voice somewhere inside, and I knew that I could arrange words in a pretty and pleasing way. Much the same, when I seriously started lifting, I knew I had a strength inside of me that could be brought to the surface with the right tenacity, approach and practice. I realize now that this blog has been as much an exercise in committing and seeing a goal to the end as it has been in learning to engage my creative voice with an ability to articulate and express ideas.
I think it only apt to end Wednesday's Word with "accomplishment." This is a challenge that has proven difficult, wonderful and engaging all year long. I'm pleased with my work, and I hope that it's offered my readers some sort of pause, a moment of introspection, mind-food for thought.
29.12.15
Yikes
Tuesday Truth
Well. It appears I've slacked off on this challenge over the last month. It's been tough, and though I'm not one to up and quit, I'll admit it's been difficult for me to find fresh and engaging content for this blog. So I've largely just ... stopped.
I know, I know. It's contrary to what I've been doing all year! I had such high hopes and noble ambitions for the blog-a-day challenge. And for a good nine months, it was really working well! I found that it was easy enough to write about things that were engaging and poignant in my life. But then after a while, I discovered that I just didn't have much to say.
I'm beginning to learn to look at my life in a series of before and afters. Before I got divorced, I was living one way. After I graduated my Master's I'm living a different way. If I consider this year from a macro perspective, it's certainly an "after" year ... as in, after I decided to write a blog a day for a year, after I published my first book, after I broke 200 on my conventional deadlift.
All said, I hope it's also a "before" year. I hope it's a year that I look at and have a handful of wonderful benchmarks to measure it against, that it is a year before a major book deal and national reading tour, a year before I begin spending the rest of my days with the love of my life, a year before I broke 100 on my bench.
I know that if this time last year, I'd been this off on my mark with this blog, I'd be pretty bummed. I never like to set a goal that I think is ridiculous or too difficult to handle. I guess I'm feeling a little kind today and I know that there were very good reasons that my blogging slowed. Things like hanging with friends, visiting family, writing new fiction have all seemed pressing, engaging and important. I guess I've been busy living. Isn't that the point of all this?
Well. It appears I've slacked off on this challenge over the last month. It's been tough, and though I'm not one to up and quit, I'll admit it's been difficult for me to find fresh and engaging content for this blog. So I've largely just ... stopped.
I know, I know. It's contrary to what I've been doing all year! I had such high hopes and noble ambitions for the blog-a-day challenge. And for a good nine months, it was really working well! I found that it was easy enough to write about things that were engaging and poignant in my life. But then after a while, I discovered that I just didn't have much to say.
I'm beginning to learn to look at my life in a series of before and afters. Before I got divorced, I was living one way. After I graduated my Master's I'm living a different way. If I consider this year from a macro perspective, it's certainly an "after" year ... as in, after I decided to write a blog a day for a year, after I published my first book, after I broke 200 on my conventional deadlift.
All said, I hope it's also a "before" year. I hope it's a year that I look at and have a handful of wonderful benchmarks to measure it against, that it is a year before a major book deal and national reading tour, a year before I begin spending the rest of my days with the love of my life, a year before I broke 100 on my bench.
I know that if this time last year, I'd been this off on my mark with this blog, I'd be pretty bummed. I never like to set a goal that I think is ridiculous or too difficult to handle. I guess I'm feeling a little kind today and I know that there were very good reasons that my blogging slowed. Things like hanging with friends, visiting family, writing new fiction have all seemed pressing, engaging and important. I guess I've been busy living. Isn't that the point of all this?
28.12.15
beginnings
Modi's Monday
beginnings
after Villa at Rueil, E. Manet
in spring,
she will ask
you
to build her a house
of brick
and circumstance
square
and concrete that
keeps
her safe and cuffs her
to
the hearth of your love
she
will sit on the veranda
sipping
cool yellow lemonade
rocking
in a painted pine chair
wondering
the roped route that
brought
you to her.
21.12.15
black lace
Modi's Monday
black
lace
after Portrait of Berthe Morisot, E
Manet
he
tells her to
cover
her face and
straighten
her back
point
her toes like
those
Russian ballerinas
that
seem so graceful on stage
and
so awkward on the train
cloud
her eyes and
mute
her smile
when
she sits for him
the
artist standing at
his
easel, painters board
in
the crook of his elbow
brushing
color and
truth
onto canvas the
way
her spine keeps
straight
her determination
15.12.15
Heat, Harden, Force
Tuesday
Truth
Here’s
a mind fuck of a truth. I have hated life for most of this year. There were
long stretches – days and weeks, even months – where every single thing was a
struggle. An internal fight to get up and well, life. Sometimes even just doing
the dishes seemed like the biggest deal in the world, and doing dishes has
always been such a joy for me! Laundry? Cleaning? Taking Loretta for a bath?
All calamitous chores that required me to pump myself up so much that after the
chore was complete, I was completely and totally spent. I wanted to throw the
covers over my face and hide pretty much all the time, and spent a number of
days doing just that. It came to my attention that living is hard work.
But
know what’s harder? Not living.
I’ve
been not living while living for far too long. And it’s whack. Takes too much
energy and too much time to stay grumbly and cantankerous.
Hiding
doesn’t do a damn thing except keep out folks who should be in, and draws me
deeper into the well. Ghost told me recently that we walk through fire so that
we might come out tempered. That is, of course, if we don’t melt, explode or
fall to pieces. I can truthfully say that I’ve been walking through fire for a
while now, and I didn’t melt. I had a few mini-explosions, but those were all
self-contained and manageable. I feel comfortable saying that I’ve come out the
other side of the pyre. My hardness and elasticity as a human, capable of
sustaining and forging has been challenged this year. There have been some
really tough moments. But I’ve found the counterbalance of my malaise; I’ve
learned to neutralize the nonsense, alleviate the aggression and soften my
sadness. It feels fantastic to know that I have been tempered indeed.
14.12.15
Evening in Love
Modi's Monday
Evening
in Love
after Still Life, E. Manet
leave
your boots by
the
door and dust off
the
snow from the cuffs of
your
trousers. She has a
bottle
of that good whiskey you
like
to drink on tough days,
or
good ones, depending
if
there are such a thing
as
winter flowers
be
sure to pick some up
on
your way back to the
statuesque
four pillar
brownstone
you’ve
worked
to acquire and
she’s
worked to keep
top
your hat next
to
her latest version of
truths
written and
type-set
for the world to see
you
prosecute and she
articulates.
Together,
the
world is yours.
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