#tickingclocks

Sunday Summary

Wow, o wow. What a week.

Coming off of pretty much three weeks of continuous travel has been difficult. I not only returned to Dental World and real life, but I also got back to the gym this week. I don’t know which has been harder – transitioning back to teeth or the bar. Either way, this week has left me spent. It’s been something of a reality check after spending time at Residency and then in Germany to remember that yep, I have bills to pay and the way that I’m doing that is in the land of molars and incisors. It’s also been a swift kick in my ass to get me motivated.

I realize I can’t keep doing this – can’t keep trying to exist between two opposite and conflicting worlds. Bukowski did it; he was a letter carrier all the while writing amazing stuff. Hemingway was a copy writer for a while, Johnson is a professor. I get the need to keep a day job, but more and more I realize that I can’t keep with a day job that doesn’t in some way stimulate and engage my creative side. It’s making me mad! I need to find something that will not only engage my spirit, but will also pay the bills.

I know, right? Join the rest of the club. Thing is, I’ve been doing some investigating and I see how I might be able to make it work. It won’t be the same sort of consistency as Dental World, but it will offer me a bit of freedom that I don’t have now.

All this week, the only thing I’ve wanted to do is sit to pages. My heart has pined for it, my head full of delicious lines of poetry, snippets of narratives that are just waiting to be written, words that need to be on the page! When I finally had a chance to sit down on Friday, I lasted about forty minutes. I discovered, all too quickly, that my mind was spent, my body exhausted, and my fingers not nimble enough to move. It was a sad night.

But also a telling one. If I’m to make it as a writer, that is – if I’m to pay my bills and have some loot in the bank, then I need to become accustomed to this wrung out feeling of super tired. It’s a hustle, just like anything else. It’s not a slow dance; shit moves fast, and the only way to stay up is to stay up.

So Saturday night found me sitting to my screen, a nice piano concerto playing in the background and a peanut bread baking in the over. I’d have much preferred to read or play on the internet, but progress doesn’t happen when one lollygags. I best get used to this feeling; it’s the only way.

Here’s to another week in the books. There are only a few left in this year! Time is flying so fast; soon, there will be snow on the ground and I’ll be on the hunt again for that shovel.