Macro is Better than Micro

Tuesday Truth  

Life is transitional; it’s fluid, and if lived correctly, it’s ever changing. These last two years have been fluid and still at the same time. there has been a lot of growth personally, but there’s also been a lot of settling – settling into being divorced, settling into graduate school. Returning to Cincinnati, learning to live on my own again. I’m tired of settling, and to a point, I’m tired of routine. Sure, I’ve written about the ways in which being off my schedule made it difficult for me to lift over the last few weeks. But at the end of it, does it really even matter? The chances of me competing in a show any time soon are so super slim – my time is limited and there are a million other things I want and need to do, and I’m probably not going to be on a magazine cover as a fitness model in the next three months, so what does it matter if i’ve missed a sweat here and there? 

An earlier version of me would have freaked out with Residency schedule, and then would have freaked out even more when I didn’t have access to a gym in Frankfurt. I get it in my mind sometimes that there is only one way to do something, and that way involves being so fully committed – as much to remind myself that I’m doing this, as to show the Universe that when I decide something, I stop at nothing to make it happen. That’s all fine and well and great for folks who live in bubbles where everything can be controlled down to the smallest detail. For the rest of us, who have to contend with myriad on-the-fly changes, it just doesn’t work like that. I think I’ve been so rigorous in developing and keeping a schedule over the last two years (fitness, writing and otherwise) because I knew that if I didn’t have a schedule, I wouldn’t stay on track. Props to myself for seeing that part of my personality, and I’m glad I’ve been able to stay focused. But it’s getting a little too intense, and to a point, a little unnecessary to plan out every single hour of every single day. I still love plans and lists, and I’m still going to spend the first part of my Sunday sketching out my week on the calendar, but there’s something to be said for just letting go … even if it’s just a little bit.