Ok, I'm Done

I might be in the minority here, but I really love winter.  The darkness.  Introspection.  The interiority that comes from the early nights and long days.  I find it to be a great release from summer and sunshine, where everything is hap-hap-happening all the time. It’s been drab here for most of the week.  It is winter, after all, in Ohio.  But today, the sun peaked his head out from the clouds and started to warm the air.  Driving back from the gym, I rolled down all of the windows in Loretta (that’s my Honda ride) and let out a bellowing, banshee style roar.  In Kundalini practices, we call this Lion’s Breath – not the car driving part, but the release of negativity, nonsense, fear and anger.  I was surprised at how loud I roared, how emotional it sounded.  I’m sure the other drivers on 71 wondered what the hell was wrong with me, but I didn’t (and don’t) care.  One day, after a particularly riveting Kundalini session with my teacher in Columbus, Natalie told me that Lion’s Breath does more than just expel whatever we’re holding onto.  It allows space to be cleared for newness to come in.  So, much like the sun shining right now, which is giving us pause from the darkness of winter, I think I’ve cleared my space for something else to arrive.

The point is that I’ve spent some time this week holding on to fear and anger.  I’ve been in a dark space since Monday, pretty much.  And you know what that got me?  Not a damn thing.  I didn’t find from these dark emotions any kind of grace or truth.  If anything, it’s almost as if the time I spent being forlorn and pissed off at the world set me back from my path.  Maybe I needed this moment of interiority and introspection.  I’m sure there’s some silver to be gleaned from these last few days, and I’ll continue to explore what that might be.  But I’m done.  Tired of being tired and sad.  So fuck it, Lion’s Breath abounds! 

Shameless Plugs – if you’re ever in Columbus and want to check out a great yoga studio, go visit Natalie Kristine at L Yoga Flow (www.lyogaflow.com)

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this picture is part of my ongoing #urbanrunner collection – follow me on instagram at jess_write as I photograph my way over miles and miles of cityscapes