An Interesting Realization

So far this month, I’ve written about all sorts of positive things that have a hand in helping me to feel nourished.  Moments, experiences, people.  Reading back these last fifteen posts, I realize that it makes life seem like a rosy patch smack dab in the middle of “Everything-is-Awesome” land.  Truth is, that’s far from the case, but I’m a sunny kind of girl, so I always try to seek the light and not the dark.

Having said that, this realization started me thinking about things that outwardly might not seem happy and light that in the end, find a way to nourish me.  Sustain my growth.  Encourage my being.

Last month, I received some dark kind of news that rocked my world.  And I wrote a blog post about it.  And I thought that would be enough to tuck it away, not think about it and go on with my sunny kind of days.  Turns out, that’s not the whole story.  The news (and subsequent letter I received last month), dark as it was, has found a way to nestle into my brain.  I’ve been subconsciously allowing it to nourish and feed an anger that I thought was long gone.  Guess what happened? 

I feel stronger for it; whole, like I’ve grown as a human and a woman.  When one allows something to have so much power over her life, it ends up eating one alive.  Fuck that.  Instead of it eating me, I’ve let it marinate, nourish me with just the right amount of spice, and now I really am ready to let it go. Huzzah for progress.  Huzzah for truth.