14.10.15

Trees and Forests

Pyrrhic – of a victory won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile


It’s so easy to be stubborn, to refuse to see the signs of defeat, and to continue to push ahead. Particularly, all of these things are easy to do when one is so committed to an end goal, to seeing the finish line of a journey that was started with sound mind and body. I’m considering this word quite a bit this week as I begin to unravel exactly what this journey through my MFA has actually cost me, and whether or not it was worth it. By no stretch can I consider my education to be pyrrhic in any way – the battles I’ve won, like my newest manuscript, and those I’ve lost, like the earliest work I submitted to my esteemed professors (who were kind enough to nurture me along, even though the work was for shit!) all point to the root joy in this process. And yet, as I start to wrap up this phase in my life, I have to think also about what else I’ve sacrificed … the countless nights I couldn’t hang with the girls, or go out and do things because I needed to be sitting in front of my screen, or being so exhausted that I can barely function, or never actually being present because my mind has been on my work … I’m fortunate enough to have a great group of family and friends who have understood just how important this has been for me. So sure, my MFA hasn’t been a pyrrhic victory all the way, but there have been enough sacrifices made that have made me really question what I’m doing. 

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