The Countdown

Bhagavad Gita once said that, “Yoga is the practice of tolerating the consequences of being yourself.” While this is true for the practice of yoga, a practice I hold dear to my heart, I think these words also have a bit of resonance with the rest of life. Take out the word yoga and insert any other word … working, breathing, living … all of these actions are a practice. Learning to tolerate, that is to accept the consequences of being yourself is a difficult process. It’s one that takes patience, foresight, and ultimately, understanding that some days are going to be on fleek and others are going to well, be whack.

Residency is upon me. I’ll be back at Spalding in a few short days and for the first time since I began my graduate program, I am so filled with dread and worry. Like, I’m totally and completely freaking out to the point that a song by Ace Hood almost brought me to tears at the gym. (For the record, the song Trials & Tribulations is really moving and impacting. But in the middle of a 3-2-1 high bar sequence is not the time to get all weepy – especially as the only woman on the weight floor, rocking compression shorts and squatting ass to grass as heavy as the beasty dude next to me.)

Right, so. I’ve planned this residency as well as I can. Meals are all thought out, I know my macros, and I have done most of my cooking. I requested a room with a refrigerator, so I’ll be able to store everything. I’ve drafted all of my workouts through the end of the month, and looking ahead at my lecture schedule, I know when I’ll be able to squeeze in my sweats. But still.

I’m freaking out. I’ve made such amazing progress over the last two months with my eating. Taking a step away from my routine and the schedule that I have makes me so scared. Of course, I’ll muscle through it and be fine. I know I’ll be able to make it work, and once I’m back on campus, I’ll feel less trepidation. I expect this week to be one full of ups and downs. All I can do is return to the list that I’ve been writing – remember that thing? And keep doing what I’ve been doing.

Deep fucking breath.