Protein Up, Dinner What

First day of residency is in the books. Well, it’s not the first full day … but we’ve had our Welcome Dinner and our first lecture.

As soon as I got to my room, I did what an sensible woman in my position would do. I unpacked my protein and my food and set everything up the way I want it. Nothing says “I’m here” like a dresser-top full of good food, right?

I walked to the location for dinner with my Kiehl’s bag that Efed gifted me before she moved across the pond. In it, my Res binder, my phone (both essentials to survive) and a plastic container full of what I planned to eat. The four blocks felt long; I could hear the food sloshing around inside my bag, and my face flushed. What would the reaction be when I pulled out my own meal at the table?

No matter, I rationalized, because what I need to do is … well, what I need to do. I said my hello’s to everyone and sat down at my place. Took a deep breath and steeled myself. With no shame whatsoever, I pulled out my Tupperware at dinner and made myself a plate of Quorn and a delectable dish I’m calling Protein Up, Dinner What. One of the women at my table, who coincidentally was the driving force in me seeking recovery for my eating disorder paused mid-conversation and looked at me. By trade, she’s a social worker, and has dealt extensively with women who struggle with anorexia. She smiled at me, and nodded her head. I know she was pleased. Hell, I’m pleased – not just to be fearless with regard to eating the way I need to, but knowing that I’m in a safe place where no one is really going to care if I eat out of Tupperware while they eat off a serving line.

That was, by and large, one of my biggest concerns with this Residency. Of course, getting off my schedule was a worry too … but this struggle, and this disorder is so often one that is suffered in silence; I fretted all last week and the days leading up to today that someone would ask me why I wasn’t eating the same food as them.

But, at a table of twelve, four of whom I’ve never met, no one cast so much as a sideways glance. Maybe I underestimated the awesomeness of Spalding. Or maybe I underestimated myself. I’m not sure.

Now that lecture is over, I’m free to do what I’ve been needing all day – sleep.