Going at it Blind

At my gym in the 'Nati, the squat racks are all set up in front of mirrors. This allows for the standard sort of mirrin’ that happens at every gym, but it’s always a great way to check form and depth. I’ve always relied on the mirrors for both reasons. I want to make sure I’m ass-to-grass on every squat, that my body is directly in the middle of the bar, and that I stick my ass out in the right way to activate the muscles I’m training. But I also use it to, well, watch myself, if I’m being honest. To see the struggle on my face. The intensity of my eyes. The relief when I pop back up from a deep, heavy squat.

Look at this awesome gym I get to use during my time at Res. Boss, right? Yup, until I realized that all of the racks face ... a blank wall.

Much like what Bhajan is saying in his famous line, “When ego is lost, limit is lost,” I found that my ego, suddenly absent without a mirror to move me along, has long been a driving force of much of my sweat sessions. 

Blind squats took the steam out of my kettle. Holy shit, after my first set, I was certain that I had no idea how to even squat in the first place. I felt like Will Ferrell in that movie about the racecar, when he’s being interviewed and he has no idea what to do with his hands, and they keep floating into the frame. Instead of freaking out, I drew on the strength I’ve been developing with my eating, and the healthy habits I’ve been forming over these last few months. There have been days when I haven’t hit my mark, and I’ve written about them … the difference now is that I have the skill set to reset myself, to say, “Okay, that day sucked ass, but I don’t suck.” So that’s what I did. I reset. Changed my music to some Freddie Gibbs beats that always get me right, and saw in my mind what a perfect squat looks like. I know how to do a squat, I reminded myself. Exclamation points followed every self-affirmation statement that floated in my mind. I took the limit (albeit, self-imposed) out of the equation.

And guess what the fuck happened? All of a sudden, I was squatting. And squatting correctly.

Fast forward two hours, all of the soccer players had come and gone, and I was finally finishing my sweat. It was a good one. No, scratch that. It was enlightening, epic, telling, and true.