Time Ticks

 Sunday Summary

The time change thing completely messes with my head. Every autumn and spring, I get confused about what time it 'really' is and find myself counting back or forward to figure it out. Don't get me wrong, I love the fall back that happens - it gets darker earlier, and lighter sooner, and this time of year routinely offers me a chance to sort of catch my breath. But it messes with my already highly irregular sleep schedule, and confuses the shit out of me. One week in, I think I'm doing pretty well. I've managed some decent four hour stretches of sleep, and have been pretty productive on all other fronts. 

This week has offered me some delicious and much needed lessons. Closing chapters and beginning anew has seemed to be the theme that has ribboned through every single day. It’s amazing and fantastic that in my third decade, I’m still finding ways to be surprised, amazed and aware at the beauty that this life offers. I suppose the most important lesson I’ve learned this week is that none of this is forever.

It’s all so fucking temporary.

Allowing past transgressions or perceived wrongs to continually shape my experience on the daily is not the right way. It does nothing to advance me as a human, and even less to help me learn, grow, and excel. I think I’ve harbored so many pains for so many years, that the idea of release not only scares the shit out of me. Forcing myself out of my comfortable space is something I’m keen to do at the gym, or with my creative work. But allowing myself growth from an emotional perspective means that I have to release this armor, let down the walls and let myself breathe. I don’t know how easy it’s going to be, but I know that it’s something I need to do. Something I must do.