Gettin' Hooded

Sweet Saturday

Want to know a secret? I’ve never walked at a graduation. Ever.

I have a GED, so that high school event was out. I skipped my undergrad conferral because it didn’t feel like I’d accomplished much. And here I am on the precipice of completing my Master’s degree and guess what? I have to walk. I made a promise to Premo last year that I would walk, even though I don’t see the point. Sure, it’s cool that I’ve made it through this part of life, but I still don’t feel like I’ve done much. Is that weird?

I’m an over-achiever. I like setting my sights so high that I get scared at the thought of completing my goal. In 2013, when I decided a Master’s in Fiction was the next step for me, I remember sitting in my northern lab thinking, “Holy fuck, what am I getting myself into?” and “How am I ever going to do this?” because the mere thought of an advanced degree bristled me.

I guess in some ways, it still bristles me. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to walk. I almost feel like I’m not worthy of the Master’s hood. Truth is, this entire degree has been a lot of fun. Shhh! Am I supposed to think that? It really has been a great exploration into learning about my process and craft as a writer, and it’s given me great insight into how I manage multiple pressing expectations. Admittedly, I know I haven’t given my family and friends enough of my time, but it’s because I’ve been so focused, so narrow minded on producing my best work. Two years has birthed a chapbook, a novel, two short story collections, this blog, and a number of publications. Seems like a lot when I tap it out, but is it really? Mozart was writing full-on symphonies when he was six. I’m fixin’ to turn 33 and well, I guess I won’t complete that thought since comparisons do nothing to advance one’s purpose.

Anyway, the point is that I am going to walk. Saturday at ten to six will find me with the rest of my Spalding class in our very official robes, walking in a very official processional to the front of the room where we’ll sit and listen to snippets of readings from our classmates. We’ll listen to our class representative give a speech which I expect to be hilarious and touching. Look out at the audience while we bend to receive the Master’s hood. Turn our tassels from one side to the other (someone please tell me which side to start on, I have no idea) and generally feel accomplished. Ghost and Efed can’t make it since they’ll both be overseas, but that’s okay. I’m walking to honor a promise, to mark to the Universe that I’ve completed this, and that it’s on to the next one.

I’m going to roll after I get hooded (damn I love saying it like that!) instead of staying to celebrate. This entire event is bittersweet to a point. But it’s also really freaking awesome to know I’ll be able to put some new letters behind my name.