Lessons, Learned

Sweet Saturday

I was talking with Gerena this morning about a collaborative project this morning after I trained for almost three hours. My brain was pretty spent, and my body was totally done. Friday #quadday killed me something serious, and following up with a hard shoulder session was probably not the wisest choice. So we’re chatting, I’m listening to his input on what he’d like to see from this project, all the while rifling through my bags, trying to situate my Saturday. I discovered that my wallet wasn’t in my gym bag, back pack or purse. I told Gerena and he said I could probably lose myself in a room.

Ha.

Okay, so maybe I couldn’t lose myself in a physical sense, but it’s really easy for me to lose myself – metaphorically. Lost in thought, lost in transition, lost in the moment. I dial in so intently when I’m focused on something that it’s easy for me to forget there’s a world outside of my immediate moments. Thankfully, I found my wallet – it was in my car, because that’s where wallets should be, right? If I had slowed down a bit and thought clearly, I would have remembered stashing it in the middle console yesterday before training. But in my effort to always be prepared for the next moment, I completely forgot I’d done that.

Later today, I met up with Ghost for a much needed solo-catch up. He gave me back the water bottle I left at his wedding venue and gifted me this bomb ass t-shirt. I mean, how cool is this?! 

We chatted a while, circling around real talk for a bit. And then, he spit knowledge to me so real that I know I would have balked if it had come from someone else.

He straight up said to me that I’m a runner. Not in the pounding pavement sort of sense, but in the run-from-everything kind of meaning. He’s right, but damn if that wasn’t some real talk. I took that nugget and filed it away as we continued to discuss other matters.

Now, hours later, I’m chewing over what he said. He’s right, of course. I dodge. Deflect. Shy away from anything that I think is going to be too impacting/emotional/difficult/scary/involved. I keep myself solo because it’s safer, easier, and more comfortable. Clearly that’s not working out too well for me. So it seems the Universe has delivered me two sweet messages today. Namely, I need to stop fucking running because it’s not getting me anywhere I want or need to be. And secondly, sometimes trying to be two steps ahead ends up putting me a step further behind.