Socha

Wednesday’s Word

Socha –

            The hidden vulnerability of others

            From the Czech, statue

Another fantastic word from our pal Koenig.

It’s so easy to judge oneself, to look critically at all of the reasons why we’re awesome and why we’re not. It’s much harder to recognize that these traits exist in other people as well. Often, I can readily and easily find fault with myself for a litany of reasons. When I realize that these same issues exist in those I hold near and dear, my mind sets to a tizzy. Fronting on fronting is something I do frequently. If I apply enough lipstick over and over, listen to CRE Cru's new track loud enough and look like I don't give a fuck, maybe I really wont. Too bad that never works. I am a woman of emotion, even if I keep it buried deep, and don't show it often. I'm just like everyone else - scared to show I'm vulnerable, that there are squishy places inside of me that keep me scared, up at nights wondering if the choices I'm making are the right ones - or the wrong ones. 
I look to my flock of friends and see success. Happiness. Respectable folk with capital careers who appear that they're happy. That there's nothing that keeps them up at night. That they're stronger than me. It's easy to presume they have it all figured out ... I'm judging them from a distance. Just like when I’m out driving and the middle of the road seems like one small point far off on the horizon, sometimes it’s easy to see others as being just perfect. I realize that’s not the case but it’s hard to remind myself of this on occasion. Maybe this is one of the reasons why it’s easy for me to keep my distance from people – if I don’t get close enough to anyone, then perhaps they will view me as I view them. Shit logic, to be sure, but my logic all the same. 
Residency always reminds me that it's okay to be vulnerable, open, and welcoming. That the world really isn't full of shit humans (well, not all of them) and that there are just as many fantastic ones out there. Closing myself off, keeping resting bitch face on all the time, and not being receptive to the joys that life has to offer doesn't do shit for me. It just makes me a girl with a bitchy face. I think I'd rather be open. It's scarier, sure. But it's honest.