Weighted Measures

Tuesday’s Truth

It’s been a while since I’ve written about anything food. I’ve largely been keeping quiet about this most pressing part of life because I think I covered it pretty extensively during my May posts. But, with my competition looming so soon on the horizon, I think it’s prudent to pause a moment and reflect.

In a few short weeks, I will be competing in a fitness competition that objectifies me to the most extreme. I’ll be standing on a stage with other women in my age range in a bikini while industry experts judge my body based on my musculature, symmetry and leanness. When I write it out like that it seems like the most ridiculous thing for a card-carrying feminist to want to do … but when I think about it in terms of my recovery and my progression from starving my body to learning, accepting and loving the fact that food is fuel, I find it offers me great strength. The truth is, if it weren’t for this competition, I don’t know that I would have been able to remain so steadfast in my recovery. Over the last few weeks, the pressures of graduation and figuring out next steps have been mounting like mad; my first inclination is to restrict, to illicit control over my food since I can’t control everything else in my world right now. I tried that a few weeks ago. And the results were disastrous. Not only was I so spent, I could barely put up the any weight, let alone what I already know my body is capable of pushing.

So. I have about six weeks to lean out in a controlled and measured way. I need to still work on posing and practice my stage walk; and in the meantime, I’ll keep eating to train instead of training to eat.