Wednesday’s
Worry
I
happened upon the word solus recently. An adjective, it’s generally used as a
stage direction, and means that one is alone or unaccompanied. When I found
this word, I thought immediately of the Bard and his famous words in As You Like It.
“All the
world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players’ they have their
exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts
being seven ages. At first, the infant, mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms”
(139-144)”.
Alone or
unaccompanied, I move through my days. It’s been a little over eighteen months
since I returned from my exile to the north. While I’ve made significant
progress with all things writing and fitness, I’m still very much alone … of
course I have fantastic siblings, girlfriends and my Anya. I’m grateful for
these connections and I do all I can to continue to cultivate these
relationships. But, I’m still as alone as I was driving down 71 that day in
February 2014, Ghost driving the U-Haul and Buck following behind.
I worry that
I’ve become so accustomed to rising in a bed alone, returning to my Space
alone, finding ways to fill my days and not think about my singleness that I
will never be able to readily come back into the fold of a partnership. Truth
is, I really want it – I want the connection that can be found when one’s heart
sings for another, when every breath and every moment is lived under the grace
and umbrella of someone’s love. This last year and a half has offered me great
pause – I’ve learned, discovered, examined, and found new ways to approach my
life and begin achieving my goals. Chmok and Anya have both maintained that I
should focus on my work, that Love will find a way to my door when it’s time. I
have to believe they are correct. But still, I worry I’m to live my days
forever as a solus woman.
No comments:
Post a Comment