Rocking Chairs

Wednesday’s Word

anticipate

… to expect

… to predict

… to act as forerunner

Anticipation is a bitch, and it’s largely contrary to most of the yogic and Buddhist teachings that shape most of my life. Expectations, predictions about events that might or might not happen serve nothing, save offering the thinker a chance to worry, to stew in options that may or may not happen.

Yesterday, I wrote about paralyzing fear and how the thoughts of future moments sometimes immobilize my present actions. It seems so logical then that this word, anticipate, has been on my mind all week. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with a little well-earned optimism, and knowing when to hope for something is a great skill. But when anticipation comes to naught, and one is left wondering just how and where things went off course, well, then it just becomes a wad of bullshit to be discarded.

That’s not to say that there isn’t truth in positive thinking, or that manifesting reality isn’t a real thing – it totally is. Refer to my earlier post about my Intention Board for 2015. 

Here it is, still hanging in my lab. 

I used a map of the Nati as my backdrop for the board, because no matter how far I travel, this will always be home. See the Random House logo? The Kenyon Review cover? The ever present clock that keeps me on target? I look at this board every single day, sometimes drifting off and staring at it so intently I’ve forgotten where I’ve stopped writing. It helps keep me on target and on track, so it’s beneficial. But to go so far as to say that I’m anticipating The Kenyon Review for 2015 is a stretch. I can’t expect something if I don’t work for it, and I can’t predict it’s going to happen if I don’t put in the time needed to make it happen. Rather, I can hope for it; I can stay humble and hustle hard for the dreams I glued onto this map and I can make sure that every moment of every day is in hot pursuit of these goals. But if I anticipate, that is, if I allow myself to get ahead of the progression of this path, then I’m just left standing on a corner, wondering what happened. It’s like Mama used to say, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”