14.2.15

Just When I'm Ready

to throw in the towel, the Universe offers me a moment of joy, truth, and light.

It’s no secret that yesterday was a hard day for me.  If I could have called off of work, I would have.  Four am found me bleary eyes and not pleased.  I managed to get through the day; work, a sweat and a new tattoo.  All good things, but my heart was heavy and mind was racing.
I tried to find some sense of solace in lifting.  Did a rigorous and intense kettlebell session that left me more pissed off than relieved.  I was training fasted, which is usually really good for me, but yesterday, it made every lift that much harder.  I know it was a combination of lack of sleep, the pressure of this decision weighing on me, and the fact that some days are just off days at the gym.

I came home and had a nap.  It was short and lackluster, but gave me just enough energy to finish out the day.  Sitting to pages with a glass of wine, I reached out to my friend Z.  Told him what was going on and how I was feeling.  Explained the pain of dealing with something like this.  Z is a writer at heart, and a talented hip hop artist by trade.  Not only did he understand what I was going through, but he offered me a bit of insight, suggesting that letting the light be taken from me was as bad as having to live through it all again.  I felt somewhat relieved, but still went to sleep upset.
This morning, I woke at four, and moved some things around in my lab.  Got a message from Z around nine, which is really early for him since he’s hours behind the Ohio time.  He asked me if how close some street was to where I live.  I mapped it and told him it was six miles away.  Went about my errands, forgot my phone in the car, but came back to a message from him asking if I could be at this random address at 1030 sharp.  I told him I had to be across town at 11 for my nephews basketball game; he said 1015 would be fine – go and give my name, but not to google the location.

Now.  I’m all for a good surprise.  I mean, I love them.  The thoughtfulness that goes into offering another human something unexpected is paramount in my book.  Obviously, Z knows this.  So.  I finished my errands and went off in search of some random street in Blue Ash.  I saw the sign for a florist shop and put it together.

At the desk, I gave my name, and the woman at the counter smiled broadly.  “So you’re Jessica,” she said.  “You have a good friend out there.”  Handing me an armful of roses in a vase, she wished me a happy Valentine’s Day.  My smile stretched ear to ear.

Z sent me flowers.  All the way from far away.  When I got to my car, I messaged him, expressing my sincere surprise and absolute amazement at his thoughtfulness.  He told me that he knew how down I was yesterday, and he hoped the flowers would help.  The card on the bouquet read, “Beautiful flowers for a beautiful woman.”  Thanks, Z.  Today, I'm reminded that even if the midst of pain and bullshit, there are humans in this world who do the right thing, want what's best for their fellow artists, and live life right.  Big ups, kid.

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